My Story

My name is Sarah. I’m 37 years old, weigh 450 pounds, am beginning my journey into a new me, and I invite you to come along. I’ve been obese since I became a teenager, at 13. Fellow classmates, kids, anybody, really, teased me about being chubby before then, so I began eating more to feel comforted. Another reason why I became obese (which I will not go into very much here, so please respect that), was that I was a victim of sexual abuse early in life. This blog is not about that, but I did want to be honest. I do feel that this type of thing has a lot to do with my weight.

I have always been picked on, especially by a select group of girls in middle school. I am Learning Disabled, or LD, and this was a big target. This all started in elementary school, when I got the label of LD, and needed a tutor. I was different, so kids picked on me.

So, back to age 13. Being young has its own struggles, but when someone is LD and chubby, life can get pretty hard. And of course, the newness of “womanhood” was also difficult. All I wanted was to be accepted. I would do anything anyone asked me to, basically, so I would be accepted and fit in. I remember during freshman year, one girl in particular that asked me to skip school one day. I did, and we became skipping buddies. This led to me even skipping classes or school on my own, which led to me almost being kicked out of school that year. I only ever wanted to be accepted.

As the years of high school went on, I learned to make fun of other kids just like I was teased. It was another coping mechanism just like food. During these years, I went to a church’s youth group. The girl who introduced to me to skipping school actually invited me, and I began going to that church. I know I gave my life to Jesus and was baptized back then, but like many people, I became backslidden. 

The years went on and I continued to gain weight. A week before Christmas in 1999, my grandma passed away. This was one of the hardest times in my life, and I coped by eating even more than ever before. I also went blonde. It was something I could change and feel that I could control. My weight went from around 280 to 350 over the course of one year.

At the end of 2000/beginning of 2001, I had a surgery done that eliminated my belly button and tightened up my lower abdominal apron to help with walking other personal things. I was around 350 pounds.

During the next year, I met a man on the city bus (I don’t drive). We began a relationship that was inappropriate. He would call me, and I would go over to his place, or he would come to mine. This relationship was definitely not what God had for me. It lasted about 6 months.

After this, I met another guy, and we had a purely physical relationship. He used me for what he wanted and in return, I felt accepted. During this time, I knew it wasn’t right, and I met a different man. He helped me to get out of this relationship, and became my friend. 

Over time, he helped me to get a job, and many other things. He wanted me to get out into the real world and for me to be more independent. It was actually a nice feeling to have someone want to see me better off. Things eventually rose to an inappropriate level in our relationship. He seemed to care for me by the things he did, but he was always negative toward me verbally. He told me that I would never lose weight, that I would be in a wheelchair, and so many other hurtful things. We were friends for about 5 years. By the end of this relationship, I felt very uncomfortable around him, and I just ate  more and more to calm myself. I weighed an unbelievable 460 pounds. I also became plagued with anxiety and depression. This was around 2008.

In the meantime, the church that I had been attending for over 20 years became troublesome, as my acceptance dwindled. This of course led to more gaining. Eventually things got to the point where I felt it would be best to leave that church and start over with a new church body. Thankfully, I knew God was calling me to this new church, so I felt good in my decision. (I am now a part of a loving, accepting and caring family in Christ, and love that they accept me for who I am in Christ, not what I look like.)

So, here I am today. I have started a new journey of weight loss and am inviting you to come with me. Please be encouraged through this blog, and maybe I will inspire someone to begin their own journey as well.